{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"ep 150 \/ Are We Ever Really Past It? How Healthy Couples Handle Old Patterns","description":"Ever have a relationship that\u2019s been going really well, only to have an old issue suddenly rear its head and make you wonder, \u201cWait\u2026 haven\u2019t we already dealt with this?\u201d Iona and her husband Steve recently had one of those moments\u2014and in this episode, Iona and Pam put their therapists\u2019 hats on and take a close look at what happened, what went wrong, and how they found their way back to each other. The disagreement started innocently enough: a garage sale, two lamps, a dog walk, and Steve taking a phone call from his dad while walking ten feet ahead of Iona. But that ten feet hit an old trigger, and before long, they were lobbing the \u201ctennis ball\u201d of an argument back and forth. For Iona, it was a chance to recognize that her tone wasn\u2019t what she wanted it to be\u2014and also to recognize that her tone has gotten dramatically better over time. So how do we hold both truths at once? We can still fall into old patterns and acknowledge how much we\u2019ve changed. Pam and Iona talk about why every relationship \u201cblip\u201d happens in the context of real life: exhaustion, distraction, stress, work, and everything else that comes along with being human. As Iona puts it, therapy doesn\u2019t magically mean you\u2019re \u201cpast\u201d something forever. It\u2019s more like peeling an onion: each round of therapeutic work removes another layer, bringing you to a better place\u2014but sometimes you discover there\u2019s still something underneath. The goal isn\u2019t never having the problem again. The goal is getting better at what you do when it happens. And that means repair. Sometimes you need time apart to cool down and come back \u201cclean.\u201d Sometimes being the first to offer goodwill can change everything. Sometimes you need to recognize that your partner will falter\u2014and trust that they\u2019ll get better at repairing afterward. Iona and Pam also explore the difference between deserving something from your partner and recognizing that, sometimes, people simply fall short; how to share what you feel and what you need; and why inviting your partner to check your assumptions can prevent an entire story from taking over. Healthy marriage isn\u2019t about never dropping the ball. It\u2019s about coming back to pick it up together. ","author_name":"Relationship Dish","author_url":"http:\/\/relationshipdish.com\/","html":"