{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"Why Your Nervous System Won't Let You Rest","description":"First aired September 6, 2026 Dr. Charleanea Arellano has spent over 30 years as a clinical psychologist and leadership coach, but the framework she's best known for now, the Embodied Narrative Framework, didn't come from a textbook. It came from putting away laundry five years ago and noticing her own body bracing for impact, for no reason at all, at age 55, after decades of actually being safe. Dr. Arellano built her career studying how high-achieving women lead while carrying nervous systems shaped by trauma, and by the added weight of managing how their race, sexuality, or gender is perceived in the room. As a queer Latina psychologist who didn't come out publicly until 2024, and who spent years often being the only person of color at the table, she's lived the pattern she now helps her clients unwind. We talk about what a chronically activated nervous system actually feels like in the body, the subtle and not-so-subtle ways bias shows up in a room, why "just get a massage" isn't a real fix for high achievers, and the simple, several-times-a-day nervous system reset she teaches instead. Watch this epsiode on Youtube | Subscribe  In this episode Why Dr. Arellano's own healing journey, not her doctorate, is what actually led her to the nervous system work she's known for today What it felt like to be the only person of color in the room for decades, and the subtle versus overt ways bias and microaggressions actually show up How to tell when your nervous system is activated, from bracing for impact to chronic anxiety, and why it starts in the body, not the mind The physical toll of years of unresolved activation: TMJ, chronic headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, and more Why women and men are socialized to handle stress so differently, and what that means for high-achieving women specifically The several-times-a-day nervous system reset Dr. Arellano teaches her clients, and why it only takes seconds Balancing connection and protection with family members who caused real harm, and what it looks like to set a boundary without needing them to understand it Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet psychologist and Embodied Narrative Framework founder Dr. Charleanea Arellano (03:07) Her path into psychology: curiosity about human behavior, a high school class, and a PhD by 29 (05:26) "We are a version of our perfect client": how her own experience as a high achiever managing perceptions shaped her work (07:52) The subtle and overt ways bias shows up in a room, from stopped conversations to backhanded compliments (11:49) Stepping away from the professional world in 2003 after years of navigating belonging and credibility (13:24) What it actually feels like when your nervous system is activated: bracing, anxiety, and the body's fight-or-run response (20:35) The chronic physical toll: TMJ, headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, and chronic pain (24:30) Why women carry stress differently than men, and what that means for high-achieving women (25:57) The several-times-a-day nervous system reset, and why "just get a massage" doesn't work for high achievers (33:36) Her books: the memoir Terrible Gifts and The Last Dance, on intergenerational trauma with her father (37:01) Balancing connection and protection: boundaries with family members who caused real harm (40:06) Where to find Dr. Arellano and her work About Dr. Charleanea Arellano Dr. Charleanea Arellano is a licensed psychologist and Board Certified Life Coach with over 30 years of clinical and leadership experience, and the founder of the Embodied Narrative Framework. A queer Latina psychologist, she helps high-achieving women understand how nervous system patterns, trauma-adapted achievement, and the added stress of managing how their race, sexuality, or gender is perceived shape the way they decide, lead, and relate to success. Her own healing journey, including decades of navigating rooms where she was often the only person of color, informs her work today. She's the author of the forthcoming memoir Terrible Gifts: Finding the Light in the Darkest of Places, and The Last Dance, which explores intergenerational trauma through her relationship with her father. Learn more at Dr. Charleanea's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn. Favorite quotes "We are a version of our perfect client." \u2014Dr. Charleanea Arellano "It starts with the nervous system. The nervous system is online before we have any conscious thought about it. It's running the show." \u2014Dr. Charleanea Arellano "This is hygiene. This is another form of hygiene \u2014 nervous system hygiene that you do throughout the day." \u2014Dr. Charleanea Arellano, on why a 30-second reset matters as much as brushing your teeth Resources mentioned Dr. Charleanea's website: home to her coaching practice and more on the Embodied Narrative Framework Terrible Gifts: Finding the Light in the Darkest of Places: Dr. Arellano's forthcoming memoir, currently in the publication process The Last Dance: her book on intergenerational trauma, told through her relationship with her father Dr. Charleanea Arellano on LinkedIn Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Ready to find your own voice on stage? Dana's a big fan of Mic Drop Academy, a public speaking and group coaching program built for women. Watch the free webinar, join a workshop, or dive into the bootcamp to build the confidence to speak up and be heard. (These are affiliate links \u2014 Dana may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.) Take the free Work Boundaries Quiz ","author_name":"Phoenix and Flame Podcast","author_url":"https:\/\/phoenixandflame.com","html":"