{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"What a Large Family Produces (From Someone Who Lived It): The joys & blessings of a large family - BLOG","description":"In Part 1 of this series, I asked the question: Can you really raise a large family well? Welcome to part 2. I\u2019m the oldest of four kids, which, in my mind growing up, did not feel like a large family. But apparently\u2026 it was and is especially now! People used to ask my mom if we were all from the same dad (which was always baffling because we all look like clones). And now, looking back, I realize: okay, yes, even four kids is considered \u201ca lot\u201d these days. But my husband Jason? He\u2019s the oldest of seven. And now here we are with eight kids of our own\u2026ages 13 down to 1. Our next door neighbors and good friends from church are pregnant with their eighth child, and our collective 15 children run back and forth between our backyards literally all day long. At our current church and our previous church, 15-passenger vans are the norm in the parking lot, and no one bats an eye at 5, 6, 7+ kids sitting in the pew. This isn\u2019t some rare, theoretical thing for us. This is just our life. In my last article, we asked a big question: Can you really raise a large family well? Not just survive it: but do it with joy, connection, and intention? That question matters, because most of us don\u2019t have many real-life examples to look to anymore. We hear opinions and we see hot takes online. But we don\u2019t often get to step inside a large family and see what it actually produces over time. When we are not used to seeing even 4-child families out in society, how on earth are we supposed to learn how to have more than the normal 1.6 kids? And here\u2019s what I\u2019ve come to see very clearly: Large families come with their own set of challenges. There are hurdles you just don\u2019t face with one or two kids. But\u2014 There are also unique, abundant blessings that you simply don\u2019t get any other way. It's one thing to debate this idea online of having more than 1.6 kids, it's another thing entirely to learn from families actually doing it! So on a podcast episode, Jason and I chatted about this idea. I asked him,  \u201cDid you actually like growing up in a large family?\u201d He didn't hesitate to say, \u201cYeah. I really did. And wouldn't change it for anything.\u201d (Online critics like to say that the eldest child in a large family never wants a large family of their own. It's simply not true!  And his oldest sister currently has 5 kids. In fact, all 6 of his siblings say they want at least 4 kids and several of them are already there!) \u201cI Never Felt Overlooked\u201d Let\u2019s just go straight for the biggest fear. Because I know it\u2019s the one everyone is thinking. There\u2019s no way all those kids get enough attention. Right? Like\u2026 someone has to be overlooked. Someone has to feel lost in the mix. And I'm not saying there wasn't a season where one kid felt like they didn't get as much attention, etc. But I'll be straight with you: I was one of only four kids (FOUR, a completely normal number of children throughout all of human history) and I had so many times of feeling overlooked, whether I really was or was just navel-gazing too much is a therapy session for another day. I met Jason when I was 16 and he was 18. His younger brother is my exact same age (minus 27 days) and it was so interesting watching this homeschool family with 7 kids function. I loved seeing how they were such a close-knit family and welcomed me wholeheartedly into the crew over the next 3 years. Boots on the ground I actually watched his mom raise Jason's younger 3 siblings. When I met Jason, his mom was just 2 weeks away from having baby #7. And let me tell you one thing: The way his mom poured her heart and love into those kids, sure she didn't always get it right or always say the exact right thing to the angsty teenager, but her kids had all of her. When so many kids from much much smaller families had so much less of their moms. Now, before we get all starry-eyed, his family was not perfect. We have to make sure we don't idealize something to the point of not recognizing faults. There are of course certain pitfalls that large families can get into it. And it behooves us to recognize those and address them within our own families, but more on that in the next large family article. Now here\u2019s the kicker\u2014they\u2019re still close. All seven of them. That doesn't just happen and it doesn't happen by accident either. The Sibling Thing (It\u2019s Kind of a Big Deal) If you\u2019ve never been around a large family, I think this is the part that\u2019s hard to picture. The sibling relationships are everything. You\u2019re not just giving your kids a brother or sister. You\u2019re giving them: built-in friends, constant companions, people to do life with\u2026 forever. Even when there have been arguments or hiccups, we know that our siblings would be there for us no matter what (and I know that many families out there can't say the same thing). And the older you get, the more important that becomes. And here\u2019s something Jason said that I don\u2019t think we think about enough: Your siblings are your longest relationships in life. Longer than your parents. Longer than your spouse. Longer than your kids. That\u2019s wild. And now that we have eight of our own, I\u2019m starting to see this play out right in front of me. Our 13-year-olds? They are obsessed with playing with the one year old. They love being the one to wake him up from his nap because he's always so cuddly at first! My 9-year-old daughter is constantly dragging the 5 year old into whatever she\u2019s doing like, \u201cCome on, you\u2019re helping me now.\u201d (And he loves it!) And the toddler? He's thrilled. Living his best life. The center of the Universe (insert eye roll here). There is always someone to play with. Always someone to follow. Always someone to annoy. (Let\u2019s be honest.) And it creates this environment that you just\u2026 can\u2019t manufacture any other way. The sweetest part to me: Family Culture This one surprised me. Because I assumed we would be the ones creating the family culture. And yes - we do set the tone - and work hard to make a God-honoring family culture. But there\u2019s something else that happens in a large family: The kids start creating culture all on their own. There's the inside jokes (that even I don't get).  The made-up games. And all these little traditions that don\u2019t involve us at all. Jason was talking about this, how in his family, so many things just developed naturally between the siblings. The amount of inside jokes they all still have is astounding! And we\u2019re seeing the same thing now. I\u2019ll walk into a room and they\u2019re all playing some game I\u2019ve never seen before, with rules I definitely didn\u2019t teach them. Or joking with made up lingo that I have no clue what it means.  And it\u2019s just\u2026 theirs. It\u2019s messy and loud and kind of chaotic, but it\u2019s also really, really special. \u201cWait\u2026 They Actually Become Helpful?\u201d Okay, let\u2019s talk about something very practical. Because if you\u2019re in the little years right now, you are probably thinking: \u201cThis sounds lovely but I am drowning.\u201d I get it. When all your kids are little, you are doing everything. For everyone. All of the time. You are buckling every seatbelt - Our oldest 5 were all in 5-point harness carseats at the same time and not a single one of them could unbuckle their own carseat when baby #5 was born. It was wild!  You are pouring every cup. Breaking up every fight. Filling every single physical and emotional need. It's a lot in those little years, even with just two kids! But then, you pass this turning point. I remember when baby #6 was born and my oldest twins were 7, it started feeling like a different world. All of a sudden they could get me a glass of water or fetch a diaper. It wasn't ALL on me, all of the time. They started to have autonomy and the game started changing. They grow up. And suddenly: They can make food, they can help clean, they can do laundry, they can contribute. Not in a \u201cchild labor\u201d kind of way \ud83d\ude05 But in a we all live here, we all help kind of way. And also, you're going to be an adult one day and need to know these important life skills kind of way. And it really changes the dynamic of the household.  We do quick whole-house cleanups together. Just ten minutes, everyone has a job and it's done! What would take me two hours alone gets knocked out in minutes because everyone is pitching in. And honestly? They like being capable. They like knowing how to do things. They take pride in it (even if they occasionally act like it\u2019s the worst thing that\u2019s ever happened to them). It\u2019s Loud. It\u2019s Busy. It\u2019s\u2026 a Lot. I\u2019m not going to pretend it\u2019s peaceful and quiet over here. It\u2019s not. We have seven boys. Let\u2019s just start there. There is always: noise, movement, someone talking (yelling really, I think our family has only one volume), someone wrestling, and someone hungry. Even when everyone is behaving well, it still looks like chaos from the outside. Because there are just\u2026 a lot of people. I finally realized that when we all go out to dinner, our kids could be perfect angels the entire time and it still would just feel a little chaotic because of so many little people. But here\u2019s the thing: You stop trying to make it quiet all the time.  And you start realizing\u2026This is what a full house sounds like. It\u2019s life. It\u2019s energy. It\u2019s a whole lot of people living together, not just coexisting. Your Life Doesn\u2019t End (I Promise) I think a lot of people assume: \u201cIf I have a big family, my life is over.\u201d Like you\u2019ll never: go anywhere, travel, do anything fun ever again, or just be a woman any longer and not just a mom. Meanwhile\u2026we took eight kids and traveled the country full time for two years \ud83d\ude05 Was it always smooth? Absolutely not. Did we have moments where we were like, \u201cWhy did we think this was a good idea?\u201d Yes, many. But here\u2019s what we learned: You get better. You learn how to: plan better, train your kids, adjust expectations. And over time, things that used to feel impossible, get easier and just feel more normal. I used to feel completely overwhelmed taking two toddlers to the grocery store. I remember thinking: this is it, it's impossible. I'm only shopping on Saturdays when Jason is home and can watch the twins! Now? If I only have two kids with me, it feels like a vacation. The other day I took the three youngest with me (ages 5, 3, and 1) to do some thrift store shopping and it was no big deal. It's funny how that happens. God Grows Your Capacity This might be my biggest takeaway from all of it. Because every single time we added another baby, I had the same thought: \u201cI cannot possibly handle more.\u201d And then\u2026 somehow\u2026 we did. And somehow it's the perfect addition we didn't know we needed. Jason said it perfectly: \u201cYou always feel maxed out. And then you add another, and somehow they fit.\u201d That has been our experience over and over again. Not because we\u2019re amazing. But because God is faithful to grow you as your family grows. Even if that growth is painful sometimes. If you find yourself unexpectedly adding a new member to the family, rest knowing that God has had this planned. He knows this new sweet little babe is perfectly planned and will bring joy to your whole family! Trust that he will grow you when the time is right, and not before! So\u2026 Can You Raise a Large Family Well? I think the answer is yes. We've witnessed it in our own life with Jason's family and many times with friends who have grown adult children. Sometimes you read these anti-big family articles online and it's easy to wonder if it's even possible because there are some who didn't raise their large family well (just as there are those who didn't raise their two kids well). Yes, it's absolutely possible, worth it, and so much fun!! Look, none of us are perfect. Jason's parents weren't perfect and Jason and I certainly aren't. I hate to even address this topic because I feel woefully imperfect. And yet, I think it's something that modern Christian women need to read: Yes, it's quite possible to raise more than the normal 1.6 children and for it to be a blessing to your life and your children's lives. When you look at a family that\u2019s done it well\u2026You don\u2019t see deprivation. You see: connection, capability, deep relationships, a whole lot of life and this elusive village that everyone's talking about online today. And honestly? It\u2019s pretty beautiful. Next in this series\u2026we\u2019re going to talk about the other side of this: The pitfalls. Because yes, there are things to watch out for. And if we\u2019re going to do this well, we need to talk about those too. ","author_name":"Finding Joy in Your Home","author_url":"https:\/\/findingjoyinyourhome.com\/category\/podcast\/","html":"