{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"EP 238: Furious or Curious - Safety and Security, Frog Farmers, and What Men Actually Need to Hear with Alison Armstrong","description":"In this episode, Kimberly speaks with Alison Armstrong, author of The Queen\u2019s Code, about her complex work around understanding men and women. Alison has been studying the dynamics between men and women since 1991, when she discovered she was what\u2019s called a \u201cfrog farmer:\u201da woman who unknowingly turns princes into frogs through culturally inherited patterns of emasculation, criticism, and control. They explore how what was once a subterranean pattern of diminishing men has become amplified in our current moment, and why nobody is fundamentally broken. Alison explains how testosterone creates single focus, why men dodge ownership of anything that will be used against them, and why the words that most motivate men to act are the same words women most avoid using. They discuss the difference between being furious and being curious, why anger is \u201cstatic on the radio\u201d that prevents the song from being heard, and how to provide actionable information without condemnation, including in sexuality. The conversation moves into breadwinning (or breadlosing) dynamics, the concept of 8,000 days, planning for finitude, and the regret of missing what matters most in the sprint of a mission-driven life. Bio Alison Armstrong is the author of The Queen\u2019s Code and the creator of widely acclaimed transformational online programs, including LUX: Liberation. Understanding. Xtraordinary Relationships, and Understanding Men, Understanding Women, Understanding Sex & Intimacy, Understanding Love & Commitment, plus Being Extraordinary as a Man\/Woman. Alison asks the question: \u201cWhat if no one is misbehaving\u2014including you?\u201d She explores the good reasons behind the behavior of men and women, such as fundamental differences in the ways we think, act, and communicate. She offers simple, partnership-based solutions to improve communication and intimacy by honoring ourselves then others. Alison is known for her insight, sense of humor, and ability to articulate the human experience and predicament of gender. She seeks practical, energy- and emotion-efficient approaches to conflict, healing, and building skills and capacities applicable to human interactions in all contexts. One of Alison\u2019s great pleasures is supporting the men and women who choose to be her students. She spends up to 30 hours per month clarifying and helping others to implement her teachings.   What She Shares: \u2013 How she discovered she was a frog farmer in 1991 and what that set in motion \u2013 The shift from subterranean emasculation to loud, amplified pain on both sides \u2013 Why men dodge ownership of anything that could be used against them \u2013 The words that most motivate men are the words women most avoid using \u2013 Furious or curious: why anger is static that prevents the song from being heard \u2013 Her husband\u2019s death, grieving without notice, and the concept of 8,000 days \u2013 Her recent hysterectomy and the mystery of women\u2019s bodies to men and to ourselves \u2013 The regret of missing her children\u2019s lives in the sprint of her mission What You\u2019ll Hear: \u2013 Kimberly\u2019s personal history with Alison\u2019s work across generations \u2013 Frog farmers versus prince farmers: how women unknowingly turn princes into frogs \u2013 What Alison learned watching her mother\u2019s three and a half husbands \u2013 The 1970s addition: get a husband, keep a husband, but never need one \u2013 How testosterone creates single focus and why interrupting men derails depth \u2013 Men\u2019s instinct to provide and why they plan decades into the future without telling their partners \u2013 Why men and women both decide what the other needs without asking\u2014and then resent not being appreciated \u2013 The word \u201chelp\u201d as an action command and why women avoid it \u2013 How to ask without interrogating: own your desire and wait for it \u2013 Giving men three chances without shaming\u2014and the difference between asking and condemning \u2013 Actionable information in sexuality: show me, not shame me \u2013 An hour of oral sex: what a panel of men actually said about \u201ctoo long\u201d \u2013 Honor as doing the right thing no matter how you feel\u2014and why love can\u2019t override it \u2013 Why men leave: \u201cIt\u2019s dishonorable for me to stay when I can\u2019t make her happy\u201d \u2013 The incel generation: Kimberly\u2019s daughter on how all the boys are influenced \u2013 Kimberly on learning to be around men after years of only working with women \u2013 Emotional labor, the victim stance, and why \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have to\u201d keeps us stuck \u2013 Predator, prey, herd, and pack: the animal instincts beneath human relating \u2013 Status, quantity versus quality, and why two-income zero-parenting families form \u2013 Die with Zero and 8,000 days: choosing what to spend a finite life on \u2013 Resting as a valid activity: without rest, nothing else works \u2013 Breadwinning and bread losing: honoring the provider regardless of who earns \u2013 The regret of watching home videos of moments she missed\u2014and her children\u2019s astonishing forgiveness \u2013 Kimberly\u2019s reflection: mothering our children is also mothering the world Resources Website: allisonarmstrong.com IG: @thealisonarmstrong   Celebrating Partnership https:\/\/www.alisonarmstrong.com\/products\/celebratingpartnership.html   ","author_name":"Sex Birth Trauma with Kimberly Ann Johnson","author_url":"http:\/\/www.kimberlyannjohnson.com\/","html":"