{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"516-A Pastor with a \u201cProstitute\u201d Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry\u2019s Story","description":"516-A Pastor with a \u201cProstitute\u201d Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry\u2019s Story There\u2019s a quiet frustration many good men carry. You\u2019ve tried to talk. You\u2019ve tried to suggest counseling, books, podcasts\u2014something. You\u2019ve even tried explaining your heart. And still\u2026 she doesn\u2019t seem to listen. Doesn\u2019t engage. Doesn\u2019t change. If that\u2019s you, let me say this gently but clearly: God may be asking you to go first. And yes\u2014that can feel unfair. But it is also where real transformation begins. When You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You Didn't Want to Be One husband recently shared that after nearly three decades of marriage and years of faithful ministry, he found himself in a place he never expected. Not because his marriage had been bad. But because it was changing\u2014and he wasn\u2019t prepared. His wife\u2019s body was changing. Their season of life was shifting. Transitions piled up. And slowly, something in him hardened. He was becoming "grouchy" and "crusty". He said it plainly: \u201cI just didn\u2019t like how I was becoming\u2026 and I didn\u2019t like how I was treating my wife.\u201d That awareness matters. Because most men don\u2019t wake up one day intending to pressure, resent, or withdraw. It happens subtly\u2014when expectations go unmet and entitlement slowly but surely begins to creep in. A Marriage That Became Transactional Instead of Sacrifical Many men come to this work believing, \u201cIf my wife would just listen\u2026 if she would just change\u2026 then we\u2019d be okay.\u201d But here\u2019s the truth that was exposed in this man's life: he was living transactionally. \u201cI didn\u2019t realize I was living in a transactional relationship until those transactions weren\u2019t happening.\u201d In other words: I give love \u2192 I expect intimacy. I serve \u2192 I expect responsiveness. This man had never thought of himself as transactional\u2014until intimacy slowed and frustration surged. That\u2019s when God began to do the deeper work. Take the Focus Off Intimacy to Heal Intimacy One of the most countercultural invitations men hear in this process is simple\u2014and deeply uncomfortable: Take your foot off the gas. Not forever. But for now. Because a woman cannot open her body when her heart doesn\u2019t feel safe. She needs to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished\u2014especially in seasons of vulnerability like menopause, grief, exhaustion, or long-term transition. This husband learned that before asking anything of his wife, God was asking him to rebuild safety. And that required humility. The "Prostitute" Mindset Going through the Masculinity Reclaimed process, this man shared something that he learned that changed everything for him: \u201c[Belah said] you guys are treating your wives like prostitutes. And the fact that you are not making them feel safe. You are not making them feel fully known...and you are not wholeheartedly cherishing your wives. Yet, you know, you flip the switch at...10 o\u2019clock, 11 o\u2019clock at night, and you want intimacy, and you\u2019re getting grouchy or whatever when that doesn\u2019t happen.\u201d He had never seen it this way before, and it changed everything for him. It was painful to hear. And necessary. Because intimacy without safety and care doesn\u2019t feel like love to a woman\u2014it feels like obligation. Doing the Work Made a Change in Their Marriage This man didn\u2019t tell his wife he was doing the work at first. But she noticed anyway. She noticed the listening. The gentleness. The apologies for things that happened years ago. And eventually, she asked. Change preached is often resisted. Change embodied is felt. Yes, intimacy improved. But that\u2019s not what this husband points to as the greatest win. He says the real transformation was internal: Healthier expectations A reordered life A clearer understanding of his responsibility as a man Final Encouragement If you\u2019re waiting for your wife to change before you soften\u2026 If you\u2019re tempted to push, convince, or withdraw\u2026 If you\u2019re tired of feeling unseen\u2026 Hear this: God honors the man who goes first. Not the man who wins the argument. You are not alone. And this is not the end of your story. It may be the beginning of the truest work God has ever done in you. You can do this, sir. God bless you!   With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS \u2013 Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It\u2019s time to take the leap. PPS \u2013 Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is\u2013and how we can help. PPPS \u2013 Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "We argued a lot. Said hurtful things to each other.  Raised voices in front of the kids.  Less emotional connection generally.  Sex felt merely physical and not emotionally connected...not fulfilling. Usually felt like duty. And I have always been initiating and my wife has often complained about that...[Now], I've become more contented and patient and focused on her needs and a better listener I think.  She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program.  I take that as a win!  She has initiated twice in the past 2 weeks!  Very rare before this!" (Guest name has been changed for safety and anonymity) ","author_name":"Delight Your Marriage","author_url":"https:\/\/delightyourmarriage.com","html":"