{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas","description":"Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J\u2019aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.   We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues. - What\u2019s required for \u2018real repair - How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship - Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation - Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship. Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. \u201cNever get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over.\u201d About Stan Tatkin  PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of \u2018A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy\u00ae\u2019 (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.  Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other\u2019s Care. About Leila Bahri-Lucas  MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach  Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master\u2019s in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King\u2019s College London, Leila\u2019s approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.  Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again. Promotional Message: If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Mat\u00e9's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues,  addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches. Resources Websites: Dr Tatkin\u2019s Website Leila\u2019s Website   Training: 7 Days to Better Fights The PACT Institute The Developmental Model Relational Life Institute Compassionate Inquiry Leila\u2019s CI Circle  (Starts 1\/14\/26) No matter what we\u2019re going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila\u2019s upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.    Videos: TEDxKC  Relationships Are Hard, But Why? Welcome Home Exercise for Couples The Architecture of Relationships The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships Why Love isn\u2019t Enough Books: Wired for Love  (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024) In Each Other's Care  (2023) Baby Bomb (2021) What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021) We Do (2018) Relationship Rx  (2018) Wired for Dating (2016) Your Brain on Love  (2012) Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010) Scattered Minds (2000) Quotes: \u201cCouples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain.\u201d - Gabor Mat\u00e9, Scattered Minds \u201cWhen we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care.\u201d - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love \u201cWe don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another.\u201d - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love \u201cThey were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari \u201cThere's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other.\u201d  - Stan Tatkin Social Media  IG: @drstantatkin @realwithleila   FB: \u200b\u200bhttps:\/\/www.facebook.com\/PactTrainingInstitute       https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/leilanyc YT: @stanleytat LI: https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/stan-tatkin\/     https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/realwithleila\/ ","author_name":"The Gifts of Trauma","author_url":"https:\/\/sites.libsyn.com\/533177","html":"