{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)","description":"If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill\u2014a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us.  Jarie\u2019s book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband\u2019s Memoir.   Jarie\u2019s memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding vows embody.  Here\u2019s the set-up\u2026 Friday, the day after Christmas 2015. Married less than two years, Jarie and Jane are San Francisco\u2019s young attractive power couple. Jarie is 45, a Silicon Valley engineer, entrepreneur, seven-book author, podcaster, blogger, and working on another start-up. Jarie is a highly functional introvert. Jarie\u2019s spouse Jane, an outright extrovert, runs the public relations firm she founded. A quenchless zest for life fills Jane, a 35-year-old fireball. Jarie and Jane work on making a baby. But after two miscarriages\u2026diagnostic blood tests become routine. Now, the day after Christmas\u2014after spending a few hectically fun-filled days at Jane\u2019s parent\u2019s house, it\u2019s time to drive the thirty-five-plus minutes home to San Francisco. Jarie looks forward to getting home midday and relaxing a bit before their restaurant dinner date. But Jane insists on having her next routine blood draw today. Jarie protests why Jane can\u2019t wait until the next week because it\u2019s barely the day after Christmas AND it\u2019s a Friday. The walk-in-no-appointment-necessary laboratory is on the way home. It\u2019s quick. Blood drawn.   35 minutes later, Jane and Jarie arrive home, unpack, and put their luggage away. Jane\u2019s cell phone rings. An unknown caller. Jarie says ignore it. Jane answers because restaurants often call to confirm reservations. The restaurant is not the caller--the medical facility calls. Jane\u2019s blood test results signal concern. The caller wants Jane to test more NOW. Please come into the hospital via the Emergency Room entrance. Jarie and Jane enter the ER entrance. And straight away,  escorted into a curtained section. Not even 6 minutes pass, two doctors enter. After introductions, one doctor asks Jane do you know why you\u2019re here? Jane says, because I was told over the phone my blood test was abnormal. The doctor agrees.  The doctors also ask about the small patches of red dots on Jane\u2019s tummy. The red dots appeared after the last miscarriage\u2014severe cramping often bursts tiny surface blood vessels. Jane asks why, what about the red dots\u2014and the doctors say they need an opinion from the on-call oncologist. Oncologist? Why an oncologist? One doctor says, well, we\u2019re not exactly sure, but it looks like you might have\u2026leukemia. Jarie\u2019s book is the first I\u2019ve read written from a widowed Man\u2019s viewpoint. Jarie\u2019s memoir NAILS it. So much echoes my own once-upon-a-time story. Jarie hands you his heart, his fears, his perceived failings. Weaknesses. Strengths. Obsessions. Addictions. Things you only tell your therapist.  Jarie\u2019s experience might parallel yours. For example, as men, we were raised to be protectors, not caregivers. An old-fashioned male archetype? In our DNA? Jarie painstakingly details his caregiving odyssey.  Losing himself in Jane\u2019s sickness, he copes by numbing. Alcohol. Pot, Caffeine. His therapist doesn\u2019t know to what extent. Jane\u2019s health declines. Jarie can\u2019t protect Jane. His self-perceived failure persecutes him. And from diagnosis to death, not even 18 months pass. Kindly observe what happens after Jane\u2019s death. Because Jarie continues his lionhearted pilgrimage\u2014 through grief and anger\u2014 to find himself, and love again.  Link to Jarie\u2019s website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https:\/\/www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright \u00a9 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics \u00a9 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. ","author_name":"My Spouse Died Too","author_url":"http:\/\/myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com","html":"