{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"Episode 49: Suicide Ideation: Mental Health Awareness","description":"Welcome back to another episode. This month is mental health awareness month, which is the focus of today\u2019s episode. Trigger warning: This episode discusses suicide and trauma. I\u2019m back in therapy, and in that space, I\u2019ve been exploring shame. I never thought shame was such a culprit in my life until I started doing this work with my friend Joyce. What it\u2019s revealed to me is that shame has been both a hindrance and a blessing in my life\u2014and I\u2019m ready to be done with it. I have used shame as a method of control to be a better mom, better partner, and more. But it\u2019s a lie. I don\u2019t need to shame myself to have control. The shame game is real, but I\u2019m so thankful for the support I\u2019m receiving right now. In high school, I went through major depression and was first confronted with suicidal thoughts. I would often use food as a coping mechanism. I was baking all the time and I felt really lonely. I had relationships, but they were all surface relationships. I never made any attempts, but I often had and expressed the dark thoughts I was having. As time went on, I got married and had kids, and I spent a lot of time just making my family a priority. I spent a lot of time doing, and not a lot of time being. There were some difficult years throughout my fifth pregnancy where those thoughts came up again, but after the birth, I became committed to my healing. You deserve healing too, whatever that looks like for you. Just taking a step in that direction is a big deal. Grounding every day keeps the darkness away. It recalibrates you into power and possibility. The door out of your worst moments is through your gifts and purpose. &amp;nbsp; Join me on Instagram:  @perfectlyimperfectranda Work With Me ","author_name":"Going Dutch","author_url":"http:\/\/goingdutchpodcast.libsyn.com\/website","html":"<iframe title=\"Libsyn Player\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/27019335\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/forward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/88AA3C\/\" height=\"90\" width=\"600\" scrolling=\"no\"  allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe>","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/assets.libsyn.com\/secure\/content\/153111705"}