{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"49: Coming Out 101","description":"It\u2019s PRIDE Month!  There\u2019s no rush Take your time  Everyone has their process and you have the right to have your own  Learn yourself\u2026 learn you are. It takes time. I\u2019m still learning things about me You have so many levels to learn and discover about yourself   Admitting It To Yourself When did you first know? Understanding your sexuality & attraction (it is a spectrum)    How To Come Out Make sure your safety isn\u2019t at risk.  Looking back I did it while I knew I was about to go off to another semester at school Life was screaming at me to do it You get this urge where you don;t want limited love or how you can see people around you be happy but \u201cyou can\u2019t\u201d  I know this still happens because I get your messages I found a strength within that said IDGAF. Everyone can go. I only want what\u2019s real. You can have the half love stuff.  Plan for safety, and anticipate consequences. Have a backup You\u2019ll have a wide range of reactions. Relieved, shocked, understanding, sad, loving, or angry Be slow to react. Observe how people treat you and what they say. Choosing the right time. Something that's calm, private, and not rushed.  Keep the conversation short. If the conversation becomes too emotional, it's okay to walk away. You won\u2019t be able to answer every question, comfort every concern, or resolve every worry in the first conversation.  Plan what you\u2019ll say. This won\u2019t be an easy conversation so consider writing down what you want to say.   How To Respond If it goes well, communicate with love and appreciation. Use words like \u201cThank you for\u2026\u201d  or \u201cI love you so much.\u201d Speak from the heart.  If they have questions or are confused, empathize and offer information. Tell them you don\u2019t have all the answers. Be sure to offer some resources to educate. If they care enough they will educate themselves too If they\u2019re angry or upset, reassure, set boundaries, or end the conversation. Let them know you still love them and don\u2019t want to fight them.     Misconceptions The people you come out to easily make the situation about themselves.  It has nothing to do with them. Do not allow anyone to take this moment from you  Disclosing you sexuality is your business  I remember being so harassed about it  Now I know why.  So that I can help you in your process Wishing I had someone to turn to to answer some of these questions  If being gay, taught, or caught\u2026. Would the same go for being straight. Shouldn\u2019t I have been influenced to be straight. It's as natural as breathing.  Disney movies and shows display it all the time and yet I\u2019m still gay. So if it was taught where did it come from.  Even with sexual abuse it doesn\u2019t determine a person\u2019s sexualtiy   Common Questions:  When did you know? When did you tell?  Why did you tell?  Who was the first person you told?  Why him?  (I didn\u2019t feel safe)  There was no counseling for young black gay men. No one sat you down and gave you advice Aunt Marie would talk to you and tell you things indirectly   Pressures  Had to make up for whatever Greg lacked in   Haitians are big on appearance and perception so you feel like you had to over achieve   Emotional Aspect You definitely feel a weight lifted, but the beauty of the community is there's a spectrum and everyone should be respected. If you are fem, masculine, in between, like make up, gowns, or trans. This is your life, your business. Don\u2019t allow anyone to condemn who you are. There is beauty in individuality and it's meant to be celebrated.  Honorable Mentions   Its funny how (Black) families would disown the gay relative, but protect the abusing uncle.   Positives: Learn to really love yourself. Felt like all you had was You. Give yourself the risk of losing everything and everybody. Your mindset was at least \u2018I Have Me\u2019   Didn\u2019t see many openly black gay men, so believed you didnt have many options at finding love.     But you believed there was more for you.    Informed more about healthy sex practices. But not informed on the emotional haul it has on you.   ANNOUNCEMENTS Budget Like Me!  FREE EBOOK https:\/\/bit.ly\/MoneyMap2020   JOIN THE COMMUNITY  Super Easy!    Let\u2019s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https:\/\/bit.ly\/SingleLivingFB    DROP ME A LINE Jump in my DMs and \u201cDROP ME A LINE\u201d a quick audio question\/drop here  @iamSebastien    Find On Social   Guest: @sheismelissaa   Show: @SingleLiving.Co Host: @iamSebastien ","author_name":"Life Be Lifing","author_url":"http:\/\/lifebelifing.libsyn.com\/website","html":"