{"version":1,"type":"rich","provider_name":"Libsyn","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.libsyn.com","height":90,"width":600,"title":"31. Sex FAQs - How do I Manage Mismatched Libidos?","description":"Sexual desire, or libidos, naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes over a course of a single day. So one of the most common challenges that couples face in relationships is a loss of desire or mismatched libidos. Often in these situations, sex begins to feel like a chore or a performance, which leads to further avoidance.   On this Sex FAQs episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners around the topics of desire, and how to take sex from performance to pleasure: \u201cHow can we restart our sex life after having a baby? I\u2019m in the mood more often than my wife, but hesitant to bring it up with her as I\u2019m afraid it will lead to conflict.\u201d \u201cI have a far stronger libido than my partner. When we do have sex, it tends to be the same every time, without much enthusiasm and passion. We\u2019ve talked about it but she just doesn\u2019t have the same interest in it that I do.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve always thought of sex as a performance and for my partner\u2019s pleasure rather than myself. When my partner asks me what I want, I find myself not knowing what I want as well. Is there anything that can help him and us?\u201d \u201cI used to enjoy sex but find myself avoiding it because it feels like too much hard work and gives me very little pleasure. I focus so much on not coming too fast that it takes me ages to get there and I sometimes just give up. What can I do to learn to enjoy it again?\u201d \u201cI have been trying to get my wife pregnant but it seems my body disagrees. I am having trouble getting hard and when it happens, it only lasts a short time. Please help.\u201d   Valentina and Sara talk about broadening the experience of sex beyond just orgasm, and approaching it with a sense of curiosity, fun and playfulness. Adopting a \u201cperformance mindset\u201d around sex (i.e. reaching orgasm) usually results in unsatisfying sex, and lead to couples overlooking other ways of building physical and emotional intimacy. We also discuss strategies for couples to introduce novelty, explore each other\u2019s bodies, and take responsibility for their own sexual pleasure.  After all, sexual desire is built on the assumption that you\u2019re having the kind of sex that is worth craving! --- Want more Better in Bed? Get my free audio guide now  Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram Support our sponsor and keep this show FREE: Download Pure Detailed show notes and resources  here. P.S. If you\u2019ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :) ","author_name":"Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast","author_url":"http:\/\/www.sarasense.com\/podcast","html":"