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Maybe I Was Never Broken: What Healing Is Teaching Me About Shame, Survival & Who I Really Am
Maybe I Was Never Broken: What Healing Is Teaching Me About Shame, Survival & Who I Really Am What if some of the things you've spent years believing were wrong with you weren't evidence that you were broken at all? What if they were adaptations? In this episode of The Courageous Journey, I reflect on something that happened while speaking at the National Domestic Violence Hotline Conference in Texas. I walked into a room I had been invited into—and still found myself wondering whether I belonged. I noticed everyone else's degrees, credentials, titles and accomplishments. I questioned whether I was educated enough, professional enough, or even looked the part. And then a question hit me: Why am I standing in a room I've already been invited into trying to prove that I deserve to be there? That realization opened a much bigger conversation about shame, trauma, survival, and the stories we learn to believe about ourselves. In this episode, I explore the difference between believing “something is wrong with me” and beginning to ask “what happened to me?” We talk about how trauma can influence the brain and nervous system, why survival responses can sometimes look like personality flaws, why chaos can feel more comfortable than peace, and why understanding our past doesn't mean excusing harmful behavior. Because two things can be true: Trauma can help explain our behavior—and we are still responsible for what we do with that understanding. Maybe healing isn't about fixing a broken version of ourselves. Maybe it's about finally understanding the person who survived, having compassion for who they were, and teaching our brains and bodies that we are allowed to respond differently now. IN THIS EPISODE 00:00 — Maybe I Was Never Broken? Why speaking at a national conference brought old feelings of inadequacy to the surface. 01:32 — The Lifelong Need to Prove Myself Working harder, doing more, being needed—and the question underneath it all: Am I enough yet? 03:07 — Guilt vs. Shame The important difference between “I did something I regret” and “there is something wrong with me.” 04:10 — Changing the Question Moving from “What's wrong with me?” to “What happened to me, and what did I learn because of it?” 05:32 — What If My “Flaws” Were Adaptations? People-pleasing, hypervigilance, difficulty trusting, rejection, overworking and the stories underneath our behavior. 07:18 — What Trauma Can Change How trauma can affect threat detection, attention, memory, emotional regulation, relationships and our ability to return to baseline. 08:17 — When the Past and Present Collide Why a tone, facial expression, silence, smell, sound or situation can trigger a response before we consciously understand why. 09:28 — Why Chaos Can Feel Like Home Why familiar doesn't always mean healthy—and why peace can initially feel uncomfortable after living in survival mode. 12:09 — I Don't Want to Hate Her Anymore Looking at previous versions of ourselves with understanding instead of shame. 14:28 — Two Things Can Be True Why understanding trauma does not eliminate accountability. 16:15 — Recognizing What I Brought Into the Room Moving from comparing what I didn't have to recognizing the experience, knowledge and story I already carried. 17:25 — Five Questions to Ask Yourself A practical way to interrupt “What's wrong with me?” and replace shame with curiosity. 19:04 — Looking Back With Compassion, Forward With Responsibility Maybe you're not broken. Maybe there's simply more to your story than you've understood yet. QUESTIONS TO TAKE WITH YOU The next time you catch yourself thinking “What's wrong with me?”, try asking: What happened to me? Where did I learn this response? What am I trying to protect myself from? Did this response help me once? Is it helping me now? What would I like to learn instead? We don't have to hate ourselves into becoming healthier. We can look backward with compassion and forward with responsibility. Healing begins with understanding. If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who may need the reminder that understanding why we became who we became doesn't mean we have to stay there. We are allowed to learn something different. — Paula Walters The Courageous Journey
The Courageous Journey
https://thecourageoussurvivor.com/
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