How Ego Is Sabotaging Your Leadership (with Chris Gillen)

1 rich Libsyn https://www.libsyn.com 90 600 How Ego Is Sabotaging Your Leadership (with Chris Gillen) A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on suicide loss. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time. Chris Gillen was born into what he calls "a family of professional victims." His dad could never own a decision: everything was somebody else's fault. That same pattern passed down to Chris's younger brother, who died by suicide at 34 after reaching a point where, in Chris's words, "the world was a villain" and there was no way out. That's the origin story behind what Chris now calls the Villain Trap: the ego in leadership that quietly sabotages companies, careers, and homes long before anyone notices it's happening. Chris is a leadership advisor and former executive with over 30 years of experience helping companies navigate rapid growth, change, and internal conflict. In our conversation he breaks down why the Villain Trap isn't the leader who's yelling and throwing things, it's quiet: a leader gets feedback they don't like, and instead of sitting with it, they start building a case in their head for why the person giving it is "out to get them." We get into why ego makes that so hard to catch in yourself, and why he thinks humility has become a "dead skill set." We also cover the generational collision happening in corporate America right now (Gen X holds 70 percent of global leadership roles, and younger workers are pushing back on the "butt in the seat, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m." model Gen X leaders are now enforcing), and why chasing KPIs over people quietly burns a culture down. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf9z8uJdKa4 In this episode Why ego, not incompetence, is usually what stops leaders from accepting accountability The "blame bubble": how a quiet leadership pattern turns a colleague into a villain in your head, without anyone ever raising their voice Why Chris says humility is a "dead skill set," and how chasing a polished image on social media works against real connection How ego in leadership shows up differently across generations, with Gen X now holding 70% of global leadership roles Why KPI-obsessed leadership burns people out, and what "coach, guide, develop, nurture" looks like instead The one accountability question Chris says has to come before any other: "what could I have done differently?" Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and meet leadership advisor Chris Gillen (01:24) Growing up in "a family of professional victims" (03:15) His brother's death at 34, and the moment the Villain Trap idea was born (06:42) Why ego stops us from accepting responsibility (09:42) The "blame bubble": how a leader quietly turns a colleague into the villain (14:25) Vulnerability, authenticity, and why "look at me" leadership backfires (20:45) Gen X holds 70% of global leadership: what that means for the generational shift underway (25:31) What happens when companies chase KPIs over people (29:44) Why Chris wrote The Villain Trap, and who needs to read it (34:21) The accountability question that has to come first About Chris Gillen Chris Gillen is a sought-after leadership advisor and former executive with over 30 years of experience helping companies navigate rapid growth, change, and internal conflict. He's worked with organizations ranging from lean startups to Fortune 100s, and is the author of The Villain Trap. Learn more at TheVillainTrap.com, or connect with him on LinkedIn. Favorite quotes "Accountability begins with, in any situation: what could I have done differently, before you can say what could you have done differently." —Chris Gillen "Vulnerability isn't weakness, it's strength. It's real strength." —Chris Gillen "The bigger the ego, the less humility that a person can have." —Chris Gillen Resources mentioned The Villain Trap, Chris's book, available in hardcover, Kindle, and Audible: TheVillainTrap.com Chris Gillen on LinkedIn Related episodes How to Build a Workplace Culture That Lasts: another leadership conversation about what actually changes a company's culture from the inside. Stop Winging It: A Leader's Guide to Resilience: more on what it takes to lead well under pressure. The Path to Trauma-Informed Leadership: pairs naturally with Chris's take on leading with humility and self-awareness. Subscribe &amp; connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Curious where your own boundaries stand? 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